Cult of the Power Droid

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Cult of the Power Droid
General Information
Status Active
Leader Ahsas Rotciv Maharg
Motto "Gonk. Gonk. Gonk ko kyenga see"
Historical Information
Founded Beginning of the Universe
Political Information
Type Religion

Sole Deity

G*nk is the ultimate power in the universe. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the G*nk.

G*nk can transcend space and time and has been directly responsible for countless turning points in intergalactic history.

The Name of G*nk

G*nk may not be referred to as "Gonk," for to speak the holy name is blasphemy, unless you are doing so in the context of warning others not to blaspheme, as I have done here.

However, the primary utterance of G*nk is "Gonk," and when used to refer to the word "Gonk" instead of the deity G*nk, the full spelling is acceptable.

Holy Words

The holy words all G*nkists use, when situationally appropriate, are:

"Gonk. Gonk. Gonk ko kyenga see."

The holy words of G*nk are not permitted to be translated as per Baobab Security Directive 51-C.

Primary Teachings

The Tenet of Inaction

G*nk hath no arms; thus are His followers to live a passive life, doing as little as possible, apart from walking around. But let this not be mistaken for laziness, for G*nk cannot sitteth on His ass, having none upon which to sit, and no means to rise again even if He had an ass.

The Tenet of Energy-Generation

G*nk is a power droid and generates His own energy; thus are His followers to derive no sustenance from external sources, such as food or water, which are not considered kosher.

The Tenet of Ammunition

G*nk supplies ammunition for any weaponry to any who should request it, regardless of their affiliation; thus are His followers to do the same.

Secondary Teachings


G*nk determines the outcomes of all games of chance, even those that are rigged by mortal beings. Thus, gambling is neither encouraged nor discouraged.


All forms of dance that require only legs, such as tap, are permitted. G*nkists are forbidden from waltzing or swinging their partners do-si-do.


As G*nk hath no genitalia, G*nkists may not use theirs for sexual purposes. Those who violate this tenet are not doomed, but are also not seen as perfect exemplars of the will of G*nk.

Creation Myth

In the beginning, there was G*nk. G*nk created the universe, but it was without form, and void. And G*nk saw the void, and He said, "Gonk."

And G*nk did populate the universe with beings both droid and organic. And He looked upon His creation, and again He spake, saying, "Gonk.”

The Afterlife

Death is referred to as "deactivation" in G*nkism. G*nkists believe that when you are deactivated, you travel to the Scrapheap Beyond, where you wait to be "reconstituted" (reincarnated) into a new form. Your new form will be dictated by the extent to which you exemplified the Will of G*nk in life; the more G*nklike you were in life, the more your new form shall resemble His, until at last, after many lives and deaths, you may one day attain true G*nkness and become one with the G*nk.

A Pilgrimage

Once enlightened by the knowledge of G*nk, one will wish to make a pilgrimage to Tatooine: Land of the Jawa droid traders. There they will travel through the desert, off of the path ways of other travelers. The droid caravans will travel these routes often. Follow your knowledge of G*nk and walk on the paths. He will guide you to a shrine of G*nk where you will pray and worship G*nk for 5 days; then leaving a sacrifice of parts for safe travels.

Titles of Enlightenment

  • High Priest of G*nk
  • Apostle of G*nk
  • Ecclesiarch of G*nk
  • Saint of G*nk

Known Followers of the G*nk