Asation Outlaws Perform Better than Expected

From Holocron - Star Wars Combine
Jump to: navigation, search

Asation Outlaws Perform Better than Expected
Posted by: Rayus Kestyn - Faction: Black Sun
Date: Year 19 Day 258 From the Stadium GSPN Sports Center in Vlojago on Gree (-20, 439).


Aaron Levette: Hello everyone, and welcome to Block and Ball Torture! As always, I'm Aaron Levette and this is my co-host Chip Wickers. I hope you've been following Shockball, because we sure have, and what we've been seeing is a really surprising start to the season!

Chip Wickers: You might even say it's been... shocking!

Aaron Levette: I would not say that.

Chip Wickers: Oh, come on.

Aaron Levette: Anyways, so that game between the Asation Outlaws and the Stensen Sandcrawlers revealed a lot of issues with Black Sun's roster and training. After their sound thrashing by the Dxun Basilisks, you'd have thought the players would have gotten their butts in gear.

Chip Wickers: Ha! They couldn't find their butts with industrial surveying equipment. Did you see Knox? That guy may have been a big shot with the Kiffex Outlaws, but it's clear he needs to be put out to pasture. He hits like a Bantha and has the awareness of one too.

Aaron Levette: He does seem more intent on making tackles than actually interacting with the ball. Over the course of two games, he's made 3 passes and 8 tackles.

Chip Wickers: I'm pretty sure those passes were accidental. That last one looks like he just threw the ball away so he could keep tackling people.

Aaron Levette: Perhaps he needs to be reminded that there is more to this game, but the reports from the Outlaws training camp has it that he hasn't attended a single session.

Chip Wickers: I bet that's why he's Black Sun's Vigo of Shadows. He certainly seems to be in the dark as to how to play the game.

Aaron Levette: It makes you wonder what their manager is thinking. Speaking of him, for a Center, Caelius is also doing a lot more tackling than scoring. Or even trying to score.

Chip Wickers: His Interior Division has been doing its very best to censor a bunch of pictures that show him hyping up on ryll and death sticks before a game. Speaking of pictures, I wish they'd done a better job of clamping down on Cipriani's locker room pictures.


Aaron Levette: What a train wreck of a team.

Chip Wickers: If Caelius and Knox could get their heads in the game and sobered up, they might be able to keep the rest of their players from coming to practice hungover and to games drunk. I hear Astrid Sarka has been hitting the bars before each game; the local gossip is they've taken to bribing her with Whyren's Reserve filled "water" bottles to get her out of the taproom and onto the field.

Aaron Levette: Now, they did just win a game but that says more about the Guardians than the Outlaws, and to be fair, not all of their players are hopeless. Bell has been sticking out like a sore thumb. The former Imperial's discipline has really shined, both in training and on the field. He must be looking for a way out of his contract as fast as possible.

Chip Wickers: I hear their contracts are written in blood. Not necessarily their own.

Aaron Levette: Oh, give me a break. There is more than enough we can say about how truly horrendous this team is without resorting to gutter journalism. Although it wouldn't surprise me to find out they spread that rumour themselves to try to seem more scary.

Chip Wickers: I don't know. That kind of cliche melodrama seems exactly like the kind of thing those Black Sun folks are head-over-heels for.

Aaron Levette: That may be, but we're better than that. And we're also out of time! This has been Aaron Levette and Chip Wickers for Block and Ball Torture, broadcasting from Gree Sports Programming Network.