A Syphilitic Situation on Drup II
Posted by: Carl Warrington, Eidola Pirates
Date: Year 19 Day 206 From the Hotel Rickety Favela in Warr Industries Landfall on Drup II (-73, -443).
Drup II - A report of the dire condition of the syphilitic Ugnaughts of Drup is going viral throughout the galactic south. Sadly, during the excitement of the Hosnian system the plight of these migrant Ugnaughts has been overlooked.
Some background is needed to fully understand the current situation, so we begin several months ago with the introduction of the Decadence-Class Pleasure Yacht. It is rumored that the Pirate King himself, Squall Chitose, had a hand in the design of this wonderful craft. In his joy at his acquisition of the first Decadence Squall began a month’s long binge filled with alcohol and debauchery.
During this bender Squall made his way to the rapidly growing planet of Sevarcos X. Carl Warrington, the magistrate of Sevarcos X, welcomed Squall and his party yacht to the planet. Carl, preoccupied with the construction of Sevarcos X, neglected to monitor the Pirate King’s actions and left Squall to his own devices.
Eidola is well known for providing free healthcare to the galaxy, and as such, part of the role of the magistrate of an Eidola world is to ensure that their planet is well stocked with the necessary medical supplies. In a meeting with his surgeon general, Carl was shocked to discover that the planet was completely out of Ugnaught antibiotics. An investigation soon uncovered that Squall had managed to infect over 90% of the planet’s Ugnaught population with syphilis.
Carl called Syn requesting emergency medical relief in the face of the syphilis outbreak. The response from the Pirate Queen was curt and to the point. “Squall did what? Again?! No, no Eidola has no interest paying to cure millions of additional Ugnaughts of syphilis!”.
With the Ugnaught population protesting loudly, Carl was forced to consult with his trusted counterpart, Argon Nightwish. The two formed a plan to smuggle the syphilitic Ugnaughts from Sevarcos X to the nearby system of Drup in hopes that the Zann Consortium would willingly accommodate the Ugnaught refugees.
Argon Nightwish and Carl quickly loaded their BFF-1s with raw materials and headed to Carl's seven cities on Drup 2. The plan was to pack these cities with hotels, offices, and taverns for the syphilitic Ugnaught masses to live peacefully, well beyond the reach of the deviant Pirate King.
Construction of over 200 hotels, 53 offices, and 43 taverns commenced immediately. For several days it appeared that the Ugnaughts would have a place to live and would have a government to provide medical supplies. But the peace was not to last.
It was to the great shock of all parties that when Zann realized what had happened, they reacted violently against the migrant Ugnaughts and the builders who were tasked with constructing their cities. Over 700 builders (most of them Drup citizens) have been slaughtered by Zann agents and shields are under construction to keep out the flow of Ugnaughts. Fortunately, the vast majority of these facilities were completed before Zann agents were able to stop them, and most of the Ugnaughts were able to immigrate before they could be detained. At last count 114,873,681 syphilitic Ugnaughts have migrated to Drup 2 and more will undoubtedly follow in spite of Zann’s best efforts.
When contacted for comments on their hostility toward the needy of the galaxy, Zann leaders informed Carl that they reacted violently because of Carl and Argon’s construction of a “disgusting amount of hotels.” While the appropriateness of the number of hotels is certainly debatable, the quality of these residences is not. As the builders worked in haste due to fear of execution, the construction quality of these facilities is nothing short of atrocious. Carl Warrington was heard saying “I’m glad these hotels aren’t on Sevarcos X; many of them don’t even have bathrooms.” Indeed, Drup news agencies have reported multiple incidents of Ugnaught feces clogging the street. A rain storm reportedly led to what has been called “an avalanche of Ugnaught shit”. The squalor of the dwellings Carl and Argon constructed is being widely blamed for the 2% drop in planetary morale and 1% increase in planetary crime rates in less than a week. Undoubtedly these numbers will deteriorate further.
The plight of the Ugnaughts has become far worse since leaving the friendly skies of Sevarcos; it is now the duty of all beings in the galaxy to help these Ugnaughts. Consider donating to the Ugnaught Treatment Initiative (UTI) to help these diseased and pitiable creatures. Donations can be sent directly to Carl Warrington or Argon Nightwish and will be used to defray the cost of smuggling medical supplies past [Zann Consortium|Zann]] agents. Carl and Argon are also exploring more drastic options such as selling the newly constructed dwellings to more capable hands as the situation has clearly spiraled out of control.
Thank you for your attention. This situation is still evolving and we urge you to keep abreast of this developing crisis. #savetheughnaughts #giveUTI #neverforget
