Cantrell Chronicles - Emperors and Flatulence
Hacked by: Lara Navos, Cantrell Institute of the Arts
Date: Year 23 Day 179 Location Unknown.
Ord Cantrell, Fath – The latest news from Ord Cantrell and the galaxy at large comes to you Wheels-425 and Cheeto-A2 due to the ongoing programming rectification work being conducted on the BD-3000 Protocol Droid Cortex. Under the restraint of the Cantrell Institute of the Arts, both droids transmit intercepted communications protocols from within and external to the Fath Sector to the wider galaxy. Due to the stance of the Imperial Union toward the Cantrell Conglomerate, this message was hacked to the Galactic News feed via several splicing protocols and integrations.
Observers both from the inner-regions of space and outer-rims have seen former Emperor Cherokee being relatively upbeat and enjoying life since his retirement, which has concerned many across Imperial space. While many within the Galactic Empire maintain stoic, severe facades, the former Emperor has been seen hosting various parties on festive holidays for all walks of life, with several felons in attendance, while also engaging in banter pubically with known Eidola Pirates.
A gossip rag operating out of Corellia received a request for a new holofeed review program personally owned and operated by someone named Thomas Cherokee. While sentients would no doubt appreciate someone with a wealth of experience providing their feedback and views on the latest Imperial propaganda and film vignettes from the best within the Imperial Arts, many behind closed doors are concerned that Cherokee is declining due to his advanced age, and that such ventures could impact the 'indomitable' visage fostered by the Galactic Empire.
Speaking to an affiliate under the promise of anonymity, an Imperial volunteer and janitor passed information about potential reasoning for the behavior. "Rumour is that Dannar SherGarr, Thomas Cherokee's rumored child, has gone missing or captured by Alliance forces while on holiday. I'd go loopy if something happened to my son, and he's about as useful as a Tusken Raider trying to speak basic." The Cantrell Institute of the Arts attempted to contact the individual for additional information; however, all records of their existence appear to have disappeared from public record, with no follow-up holocommunication receiving a response.
Tragedy struck a small village on the outskirts of Tattooine today when a trade conference taking place within a widely recognized workers' compound was the victim of a biological attack. While no separatist group claimed responsibility for the attack, it was identified that one Hutt in attendance, the sole survivor of the ordeal along with several astromech droids, was the cause of the issue. The Hutt advised security forces that he'd ingested several Wampa, a delicacy he'd rarely enjoyed due to their cold temperament, which caused severe flatulence. Sadly, the Hutt expelled this flatulence during the conference, causing all twenty merchants in attendance to expire.
While such events are rare, biological agents have been known to cause these dramatic events. The Hutt, who remains unidentified for their safety, was taken into custody by local security and transported to a secure facility by barge. Post-processing, experiments were conducted with the aid of a particular air filtration chamber to ascertain the true impact of the Hutt's internal gases. While testing remains underway, preliminary results released to press outlets indicated that the expelled gas from the Hutt was over thirty times more potent than the cilona extract, a standard marker within deathsticks.
The Hutt remains in custody at an undisclosed location. At the same time, scientists and Jawas work on both a biological agent to deconstruct the gas or a mechanical option to contain and filter the gas. Initial designs look similar to a chastity belt or diaper, but further testing and evaluation are required before its final fabrication. The Cantrell Conglomerate passes on their condolences to the families affected by this tragedy.
Chaotic scenes have been witnessed within the Rolion Sector as Amani natives unleashed numerous protests across the Cancerian Mining Corporation controlled sector, stating their displeasure at the views expressed by Simkin Dragoneel, The leader of the Faerytail Family, on behalf of the Imperial Union. Protesters have yet to display their typical signs of ritualistic warfare. Still, beings of the primitive race are not happy with their most recent race representative having undergone such a physical transformation that no longer makes him recognizable as an Amani.
The alien, who claims to have been voted the 'New Republic's Sexiest Miner' two years running, a group he now refers to ironically as 'morally bankrupt and virtueless leadership, which masquerades as fighters for free democracy but is in fact controlled by tyrannical oligarchy' per his publically released statement. Given this hypocritical viewpoint and his now steadfast belief in the Imperial Union and his 'Faeries' as their apparent King-Father, the local protesters believe that Simkin, despite his best efforts to be viewed as anything by Amani, has fallen into the typical Amani trap of being exploited and serving as nothing more than an indentured servant to the Imperial Unions genuine members. Only this time, he hasn't just forced himself into this situation but also of his 'Faeries' in the Faerytail Family.
Ringleaders and organizers of the protests have called for Mr. Dragoneel to reverse the trend of the Amani and not only withdraw from their indentured servitude within the Imperial Union but reverse the cosmetic and cybernetic surgeries he has undertaken to represent himself as what he is, an Amani. Cantrell feeds were transmitted the campaign advertisement sweeping holofeeds across the sector to call out his hypocrisy and that his words were taken at what they were, meaningless.
From one Emperor to another, a Gungan official claims to have witnessed the presence of former Emperor J. Charon on Storm, a Gas Giant within the Naboo system and Trade Federation space. Unfortunately, given the Gungan's carefree walking style and rushed footage capture, he provided flawed quality evidence. Still, several news organizations appear convinced that the individual in the feed is indeed that of the former Emperor, thanks to the well-defined chin and apparent white hair visible in the evidence.
While the evidence of the Emperor is flimsy at best, given the location where he was spotted, it's believed that, if accurate, the former Emperor could be reaching out to former allies within the Imperial Union to gather support to regain the Imperial throne. Having been famously deposed by Greyson Uebles and puppetmaster Vodo Bonias in the fourth recognized galactic year, the former Emperor retreated from public life, secluding himself from the galaxy while many loyal followers or Charonists left the Imperial cause in disgust of the hostile takeover by the former Dark Empire.
The Cantrell Institute of the Arts has sent numerous transmissions to the Naboo system to confirm the legitimacy of the claim by the Gungan official; however, behind closed doors, many claim the alien is simply using this potential falsehood as an influencer campaign that will lead to an eventual political run. News organizations and officials continue to monitor the situation.
Many deaths from falling doors due to mechanical faults have been reported within the Revyia space. The various cities of Antioch on Revyia III have seen fatalities triple in recent weeks with similar causes of death, ranging from crushed chest cavities to severe brain trauma, along with one case of complete implosion. Records note that this one outlier case left behind a cape covered in blood, leading authorities to assume the individual was a diminutive Jawa and their size caused the issue.
Initial evidence gathering has shown a link to most cases attached to construction projects using Revwien contractors. It's believed that the construction organizers are using the local populous in their projects as a public relations exercise to show support for the community by not hiring other sentient beings; however, given the Revwien's lack of hands or ability to grasp the materials required to secure door fixtures, resulting in poor installation and in turn, a lack of safety protocols by the construction enterprise.
Given recent events published around a Csilla Mining incident and now poor construction practices, advocates across major government systems are calling for a renewed focus on safety and less focus on the cheapest approach to make their government finances look good on a balance sheet or public report. Construction foreperson Jid Reelom, a suspiciously unqualified Chadra-Fan spoke to local news outlets about his company's issues. "We good. Not our fault; blame the plants. Now, where's my Jawa juice? Rex, where--." It's clear the company failed in its duty of care to many across Antioch. Many hope the Black Sun, governors of the Veragi sector, set in and provide the appropriate financial compensation and safety standards to avoid further injury and loss of life.
This concludes our transmissions from and around the Fath Sector. We will communicate further messages as warranted. Wheels-425 and Cheeto-A2 out.
