Pitched Tents Peak Over Failed Bounty Hunter- An Explainer
Posted by: Argon Nightwish, Eidola Pirates
Date: Year 19 Day 347 From the Workers Compound Spare Body Parts Storage in Dreshdae on Sevarcos XI (93, -371).
Sevarcos – “Credits are nothing!” “Tents are forever!” says Eidola Chief Tent Executive Fleuf Naze. Indeed Fleuf is working to change the economic landscape of the galaxy, looking to fill the void left by the decreasing relevance of the Nova Crystal with his own superior alternative currency. Reports indicate that Fleuf recently purchased the Trade Federation’s entire reserves of tents to pitch all over Eidola space, providing significant economic stimulation.
The mysterious Fleuf has been unclear regarding his intentions, leading many to speculate that he himself has no idea what he wants to achieve. In the past few months, Fleuf has been seen participating in a variety of schemes such as attempting to corner the galactic market by working to produce one million tents, hiring the services of a market research firm to determine if the camouflage tent market was lucrative enough to enter, and attempting to sell off 5,700 of his tents at one million credits apiece to raise prices. However, most analysts agree that Fleuf has focused the majority of his recent efforts on the creation of his new tent-based religion. This new philanthropic organization has been seen in many sectors across the galaxy, labeling those who did not pitch tents as “heretics” and attempting to re-educate sentients who refused to buy tents to pitch.
But darkness has gathered on the horizon to blot out his light, for there are those in the galaxy who didn’t want Fleuf’s vision of giving every sentient the privilege of living under a Fleuf-pitched tent to succeed. Some of these beings have the financial means to stop this grand plan, and recently an anonymous 300 million credit bounty was placed on Fleuf’s head. This surprising revelation has resulted in a variety of questions, including but not limited to: Why are the galactic elite targeting this simple tent merchant? What exactly is it about his indiscriminate tent pitching that has rubbed the wealthy of the galaxy the wrong way? And who is willing to spend such a significant amount to capture an individual who is only trying to help?
A source close to Fleuf has reported that he may be intending to use a portion of his vast tent reserves to erect a temporary living facility for the miserable Ugnaughts of Drup II, who have so far been largely ignored by the local government representatives. This may explain why Fleuf is being targeted as the galaxy’s powerful and wealthy have repeatedly refused to help this struggling minority, preferring to keep all of their money safely stored in their pockets and GCB bank accounts. As an example, even the Pirate Queen Syn herself refused to give Fleuf a measly 1.7 billion credits to use for the production of additional tents to house the homeless Ugnaughts left over in Sevarcos from the Drup Situation. Syn reportedly said: “There are so many tents in Eidola space that our homeless live a life of luxury with at minimum a main home tent, a beach vacation tent, and a ski chalet tent, not to mention some of the temporary tents which can be sustained for over 4 hours!” This lack of generosity is rampant in the upper echelons of the galaxy and could very well explain why this this tent pitching do-gooder is being targeted.
The large bounty on the galaxy’s foremost religious tent-erecting Duros has drawn widespread interest from the galaxy’s elite and not-so-elite bounty hunting groups, including Exanthium Kerensky’s Dha Werda Verda. While Kerensky, a former Eidola member, swore that she would never target the Eidola Pirates, evidently the lure of a 300 million credit bounty was enough to compromise her morals. After some deliberation (and her first choice of hunter vanishing under mysterious circumstances), she directed the recently appointed second-in-command of her organization, Mikel Blaine, to capture the harmless zealot.
Fortunately for Fleuf, Governor Argon Nightwish of the Eidola Pirates caught wind of the rapidly approaching kidnapping attempt. Upon hearing the disconcerting rumor, Argon vowed to stop this wannabe bounty hunter from succeeding in the capture and probable execution of the galaxy’s foremost tent pitcher. After a council of war with himself lasting several minutes, Argon decided on a master plan to stop Blaine’s tent-blocking scheme. Argon lured Blaine to Sevarcos, and from there onto an Eidola ship, under the pretext that Fleuf was using the ship to collect raw materials for use in his grand production plan, leading Blaine to believe that the only thing standing between himself and success was a single locked door. But it was not to be for the foolish bounty hunter, as Fleuf was half a galaxy away and it was, in fact, Argon himself waiting for him behind the door. As Blaine worked tirelessly to break through the door, the pirate sat in silence preparing himself for the battle ahead by taking shots of Corellian brandy. After several hours of failed attempts, Blaine was shocked to finally break down the door and see an inebriated Argon in his heavy battle armor bringing his famed twin blasters to bear, rather than the Duros he was expecting. The fight was intense but ultimately short, with Argon emerging victorious.
When asked about the confrontation, Argon said: “Who? I did what? Of course I’m glad he wasn’t able to reach Fleuf, but is this even worth discussing?” Indeed, throughout the interview Argon repeatedly questioned why this event was even newsworthy. Appearing far more serious than he did initially did, Argon was quoted as saying: “They said they would not take bounties on Eidola due to past allegiances… but they did. I know they need targets to chase and the available options are limited, but you have to draw a moral line somewhere. Yeah, I shot the guy, and I have no doubt he deserved it. Perhaps it’s time for Dha Werda Verda to simply fade like so many of the other forgotten bounty hunting groups. It’s a difficult sector to be in and I’m not at all convinced they have what it takes.”
Argon’s killing of Blaine is only one in a long line of Eidola’s protection of its own, and history has not been kind to those who attempt to penetrate Eidola’s defenses. Speaking of the latest Eidolon to be targeted, Navarchos Carl Warrington, a close ally of Argon, has been reported as saying: “We don’t know why he is running around pitching tents all over the place, but he is our tent-pitcher and we don’t take kindly to people trying to deflate him.”
For now it seems peace will reign and Fleuf will be able to continue his efforts, but for how long? It can only be assumed that the significant bounty against Fleuf is still available to collect, and it is only a matter of time until someone else makes an attempt. In the meantime, we urge the gentle beings of the galaxy to continue their financial support of the religious movement by generously giving to Fleuf’s tent making and acquisition endeavors; even a small donation of credits or goods could go a long way toward helping build a brighter future for the galaxy’s destitute citizens. Donations can be made directly to Eidola for redistribution and will be used exclusively for the greater good of the galaxy.
