Glumchee Gramorgg
| Glumchee Gramorgg | |
 | |
| Biographical Information | |
| Race | Gamorrean |
| Homeworld | Gamorr |
| Mother | B'riqqa Gramorgg |
| Quote | "Grnf" |
| Physical Description | |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 5'9" (1.8 m) |
| Coloring | Green |
| Eye Color | Brown |
| Political Information | |
| Affiliation | Corellian Transport Services |
Early Childhood
Even from an early age, Glumchee was extremely curious about the world around him. This was remarkable because, as anyone who has ever payed a visit to Gamorr can attest, it is an environment that leaves very little to be curious about unless one has a burning desire to plumb the mysteries of mud. Glumchee took a different approach to life. Most young boars, if presented with existential dilemmas only got so far as “will I hit this thing with a club or not?” to which the answer was invariably “yes”. Glumchee, however, had a more philosophical mind. He would think about the implications of hitting something with any blunt object before doing so and only followed through to satisfy a scientific inquiry such as "how flat will it become?"
He was also somewhat of an inventor. Again, on Gamorr there is precious little to work with in terms of both creativity and the means by which to express it. In fact, it is telling that, in all of Gamorrean history, only one notable artist is recorded, G'roq, who is chiefly remembered for his sculpture series "Piles of Rubble in Granite". His works can still be seen strewn around the countryside to this day. It is not surprising, therefore, that Glumchee never reached great heights in his quest for creativity. Still, he did his best, and by the age of only five years old he had already created such masterpieces as a double-sided club, and armor made out of rock –which was great for warriors who only wanted to stand in one place. Had he not left Gamorr at an early age he might have grown out of these peculiarities and they would have been forgotten or remembered only as the folly of youth. However, something happened that changed his life forever.
Life as a Slave
At the age of six, Glumchee, his mother, and many of their fellow tribe members were captured by slavers and sold to the Hutt princess Yooka-Nooba. However, this turned out to be a golden opportunity for them both. Glumchee's mother, B'riqqa, the savvy matron of their clan, proved to be a valuable asset to the Hutt, handling all of her financial and business affairs which earned the sow an influential position in the palace. Glumchee, on the other hand, found himself exposed to a world of new and fascinating marvels: doors that opened by themselves, creatures of metal that walked and spoke, things on walls that beeped and lit up when you walked by, things that exploded or gave an electric shock when ripped apart by inquisitive minds trying to see how they worked.
One day, while exploring one of the innumerable corridors of Yooka-Nooba's palace, the young Gamorrean came across a box full of personal translation devices. Like many of her species, the Hutt princess was famously intolerant of protocol droids who told her things that she didn't want to hear and she had a tendency to send them away to seek employment in her smelting rooms under the job description “parts”. Over the years she had spent a small fortune replacing her interpreters at a rate of once every two weeks. To remedy this situation, she had made a bulk order of these small, hand-held translators. Glumchee, unable to contain his curiosity, reasoned that she probably wouldn't miss just one and quickly slipped one under his shirt while nobody was looking.
Over the course of the next several weeks, he began experimenting with the device. He had considerable difficulty getting it to work due mainly to the fact that, for the entire duration of his study, the tiny switch on the back was set to “off”. He eventually found this switch after other methods –namely banging on the device and staring intensely at it as if to discover its secrets through telepathy– proved fruitless. At first, he tried pulling on the switch, figuring that it was some defect that needed to be removed but when this failed to produce results he instead attempted to loosen it by pulling it side to side. As soon as he did so the device, now in the “on” position, squawked a greeting at him. This surprised him so much that he dropped it.
At this point in the narrative it is relevant to mention that Glumchee conducted his experiments in the bathrooms of the palace, afraid of being caught in possession of the Hutt princess' property and, although this location was perfect for concealing his clandestine activities, it also meant that he was precariously perched over receptacles filled with water. It was into one of these that his precious device fell. He retrieved it as quickly as he could and then, upon immediately testing it again, was relieved to find that it was undamaged.
At least, undamaged as far as he could tell. In fact, while the translator was still able to translate from basic to Gamorrean with relative accuracy, its results when translating the other way around were unreliable. Of course, the young Gamorrean didn't realise this since he had about as much understanding of Galactic Basic as a tauntaun does of summer. In his overwhelming excitement at finally getting the device to work, he completely forgot about his fear of being found with his mistress' stolen property and so, armed with the ironclad confidence of the truly ignorant, he took to running about the palace speaking to every sentient –and sometimes non-sentient– being he met. The results of his great campaign were not, on the whole, successful owing as much to his awkward manner as the translation device's “original” interpretations. Most of those he spoke with simply stared at him in awed bafflement. Still, he was undisturbed by his apparent lack of progress. Indeed, he seemed to think that he had made good friends of everyone he came into contact with.
The Source of his Fear
One day, he came to the Rancor pits and decided to try his device there. Most rational people would recognize this as a terrible idea but not Glumchee. He simply didn't acknowledge that there was any difference between normal sentients and a giant carnivorous monster whose diet habitually consisted of said sentients. He walked right up to the Rancor and addressed it warmly, holding out his hand in a gesture of friendship. The Rancor, expressing its own feelings with equal warmth, reached out and took his hand and the rest of him besides and popped the young Gamorrean into its mouth. Fortunately for Glumchee, this particular Rancor had been trained to toy with its victims since the Hutt princess hated when a good show ended too soon and it was even more fortunate that its master happened to be silently watching the whole display with a mind to relate this hilarious story to his friends later that night. This may strike some as being extraordinarily cruel but he was generous enough to stop the beast before it started to chew. He saved the young Gamorrean's life but not before a lifelong phobia could be developed.
His Dreams Come True
Eventually, Glumchee's mother found out about the device. It wasn't hard; everyone in the palace had learned of it once he started running around chatting with all and sundry. (Fortunately, Yooka-Nooba was far too busy with her own affairs to be bothered about the theft.) Glumchee's mother was furious. Technology is frowned upon in Gamorrean society, mostly because a lot of it tends to explode in one's face when hit by a club. At first, she threatened to smash the device (cautiously) and trap Glumchee in his room until he learned to conduct himself like a proper Gamorrean but deep down she knew that this would be unlikely to work. She was a reasonable old sow –which in Gamorrese is more of a compliment than it might seem– and she realised that her son just wasn't a normal Gamorrean and that he would never be satisfied with a quiet life of tribal warfare and duels to the death. This saddened her a bit. Like any Gamorrean mother, she had been looking forward to the day her son would present her with his first severed head, gathered from a recent conquest which she would lovingly mount on the wall or possibly put in a scrapbook next to the page with her baby's first broken teeth, gathered in the aftermath of his first brawl. In the end, however, she decided that her son's happiness mattered more to her than anything else. She decided to let him follow his dreams.
Of course, she still had her pride so she couldn't let him follow his dreams right away. She made a show of disapproving of his actions for a few years but eventually, on his twentieth birthday, she presented him with a surprise. Thanks to a combination of her lucrative position as Yooka-Nooba's right-hand pig, smart investing, and a generous helping of embezzlement, she had become extraordinarily wealthy to the point that it was a mere trifle for her to gather enough funds to buy her son his very own C-3 passenger liner so that he might travel the galaxy in style, indulging his boundless curiosity and generally making a nuisance of himself. Along with this, she presented him with a brand-new 3PO unit named JV-3PO. Glumchee was overjoyed. He had always wanted to travel the galaxy and see its many marvels and technological wonders. Now he would be able to do so –and he even had a shiny new butler. Life was good.
